Wrong Way!!

I really have no idea what to write on a day like today, but I feel like I have to write. It started out as a day of happiness and new beginnings, and then, somewhere between my second cigarette of the day and now, it's taken a wrong turn into suck-dom.
I was ready for today. I was okay. I was up for anything that life threw my way. I was going through one of those cock-eyed optimistic phases that allows me to get my hopes WAY up and then I get to watch them crash down around me like you see on cartoons. You know the ones; where the entire front of the building falls and the character is only safe because the open window happens to fall where she's standing, but then, all around her are the remains of what used to be tall and solid and sure. It sucks. Oops, I wasn't going to say that. Every single Valentine's Day I've ever had, I started out saying it sucks, but I wasn't going to do that this year.
I just feel like all the hope I've been hoarding has been sucked right out of me. I'm empty inside and just don't have anything left to give. It doesn't help matters that Texas chic was in town for the weekend so I didn't go out in order to avoid any unforseen run-in. All that succeeded in doing was remind me that I blew my chance with the only truly good guy I've ever met. Talk about sucks! See, this is why the title of that other entry was things are going so well I'm worried. Because it never fails that just when things seem to be going well and everything is working out the way it should be, God says "Nope! Fooled ya, didn't I?".
So, where am I now? Well, for starters I'm single. Alltogether not a bad thing, but it's that day. You know, the one where everywhere you look there are happy couples being in love. Blah! The one where every commercial on the radio between the sappy love songs is for flowers, or diamonds, or teddy bears. None of which you will be receiving.
Not only is it THAT day, my car is dead. It arrived at work sometime last week DOA. The repair man said the two most dreaded words in car diagnostics....Transmission and Motor. Being a girl who has suffered through many an expensive car problem, I know that this is not good. Seeing as how I have had to replace the transmission on nearly every car I have ever owned, the warning bells were a-ringin' on Thursday. So, in addition to being single, I am also car-less. I'll also quickly add that my house is a disaster and I am just drained.
I get like that every once in a while. I just get so exhausted trying to dodge the bullets that life seems to keep shooting at me (doesn't it have any other targets?!). It's like I advance two steps and then have to run back five because the only cover close was back there. It just seems so futile sometimes that I really have to weigh the advantages of getting out of bed. But I did. For some reason, I'll keep right on getting out of bed. I won't like it mind you (I'm not a morning person, or mid-morning person either, for that matter), but I'll do it because it's what you do. It's all you can do, really. When life throws you a sucker punch and catches you off guard, all you can do is get up, brush yourself off, put some ice on the shiner you can feel coming on and keep on goin'. Hearts and flowers day or just a random Thursday, it's all the same in the end. You just have to go on.
Who knows, maybe today will shape up. Or maybe I'll go home and have a good hard cry because crying is the only thing left to do. Then, I'll look at the flowers I got yesterday from two people who reminded me that I'm loved and I'll smile and the optimistic me will be back....until next round.