Another Weird Phonecall

So, I'm sitting at work this morning and my phone rings, and who is it? My ex-mother-in-law, of course. That's right, my ex-husband's mother was calling. Evidentally, she's coming in town on Saturday from Columbia (the city, not the country) and wants to see her grandchildren, so she called me. Wierd?...no, not if I haven't told you that the kids aren't mine. That's right, the XMIL called me to find out if she can see her grandchildren that are no blood relation to me. And I think my family's fucked-up.
Anyway, so I told her that I didn't know if I'd see them because her son (my lying cheating asshole of an ex-husband, and yes I told her that) may have them. Nope! Of course not. He's just their dad, but he hasn't taken them in over a month because he has better things (read...drugs) to do with his time, I guess. On the other hand, I have them at least once a week most weeks and we're tight. They're awesome kids. I have to pick them up from daycare today, in fact.
Sorry, I'll try to stay on track now....no more tangents. In the end, we decided that her and her new boyfriend (okay maybe one more tangent....she's actaully married right now, for the second time to her second husband, but they are about to get re-divorced because for some reason, they've decided after a whole two weeks of re-marital bliss that they don't work well together. He has been married 19 times total to 16 women, and she wonders why it was destined to fail.....sorry again.) So, her and the new boyfriend are coming to town and we're having a picnic lunch in the park that's two blocks from my house with the kids. Yay!
Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, I really do. After all, she was the first person to tell me that I shouldn't marry him and that he was screwed up. In all fairness, she did try to warn me. She is also the woman who lived with us for a few months berfore her last divorce from her current husband. Likewise, she is the woman who sat up with me at night and listened to me cry about her son, told me it would be ok, and said that no matter what I'd always be her favorite daughter (and NO, I'm not her only one). BUT, I have to say that the mental disorders run in the family because she is just as scandalous as her son sometimes. BUT again, I love her. We have fun. We talk about all the people that we don't like because they make our lives hell and we sing kareoke, and we laugh non-stop, so I think that a Saturday afternoon with my XMIL and ex's kids will probably be the highlite of my weekend. Except the Sunday night poker game, of course.

My Sha

My best friend has been banished to a little town called Tishamingo, Oklahoma. From what I understand, there’s not much there….not even a Wal-Mart, and those damn things are everywhere you look. No, she didn’t commit some heinous crime for which this banishment is responsible; she really kind of went on her own. Now, please forgive me while I regress. Shavon has always loved animals. For as long as I’ve known her, she’s been feeding stray cats and taking in lost dogs, she’s even been known to provide a temporary home for parrots or boa constrictors in between owners now and then. We were on the phone once at 3:45 on a Saturday morning after leaving our respective bars and I hear her stop her car, open her door, and coaxingly call “Come here little guy.” When asked what sort of mammal she was trying to tempt into her grasps, she simply responded “There’s a fox. He’s running around in the middle of the road.” My response; “Foxes are wild, he’s not going to come to you.” Her response; “I have to try to get him, he could get hit”, of course. Anyway, she’s just always been like that. Hit a person and she’ll laugh, hit an animal, and she’ll tear your head off (and she could too, she’s mean).
Because of her love for all things furry, and scaly, and even feathery, she wants to be a vetrinarian…or something like that. Marine biology mainly. She LOVES dolphins. I don’t mean that she thinks Flipper’s cute, this is something that rivals my obsession with Winnie the Pooh. She has two dolphin tattooed onto her skin…permenantly, and if ever I don’t know what to get her for her birthday, I make it easy and get her dolphin something. So, anyway, that is how I lost my best friend to the God forsaken state of Oklahoma.
I have to say now that my reason for writing this is that I really miss having a partner in crime. She has been there through every boyfriend, break-up, and drunken night of rolling down hills (long story) since I was 19 years old. I NEED her. She was the maid of honor in my wedding. She was also the first person to voice her opinion that I shouldn’t marry him as well as the first person to say “I told you so” when I told her I was filing for divorce (It’s really our way of supporting each other…I do it when she messes up too). I really, really miss her.
When I first met her I was actually a little scared of her because like I said, she’s a mean bitch, and I’m a Libra….lover of peace, ya know. She didn’t like me a whole hell of a lot either, but all of our misconceptions about each other were alleviated with one little bonfire party in the middle of a cornfield. We were attached at the hip from that night forth…and all because I couldn’t find anyone else to go to that party with me. I asked her out of desperation and I’m glad I did.
She’s a little weird…like me, and really mouthy. She has three tattoos total and piercings in places that I won’t mention because if I do and she reads this, she’ll beat me up (although if you ask her, she’ll show you). She has horrible taste in guys (also like me) and she curses like a trucker, but I love her anyway. She has great clothes that I used to borrow before my second closet was shipped to Oklahoma with her…sob….but I think I’m getting over that one too. But it really sucks that I have to drive ten hours just to see her, or when she is home, she stays in a hotel. I can’t call her up anymore to go drive by an ex’s house and spy for me or to go grab some food at Elder’s. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself now. I can’t replace her, because believe me I would be hard-pressed to find a new best friend who shares the mutual hatred for my ex-husband or her bad attitude. So what’s a girl to do? Just deal with it I guess.
Last time I talked to her, she was getting ready to leave for a camping trip in Mexico to check out all the international critters they have down there. Then, this summer, I’m going to hang out with her in Clearwater, FL, for a week or so while she’s doing a marine biology internship. For one week, I’ll have her back. We’ll get dolled up, go out on the town, flirt with an unbelievable number of guys then hit the fast food drive thru on the way home. We’ll be partners in crime again. All I can say is Florida….watch out. You’ve never seen anything like us and I can’t wait.

Just another morning...sort of

So I started doing pilates. Yup, me, working out. I know it’s hard to believe but I decided that I’m single and summer is coming and that little bit of belly-pudge I’ve been harboring for the last few years needs to go away. I have real issues with it because if you would have asked me what my favorite body parts were when I was 21, I would have said my eyes and my stomach. Not so much anymore. It’s not that I’m fat, or even slightly overweight.....just a little smooshier than I used to be. So, again, I started pilates and you know what, they’re not that bad. I did one workout last night and I could still get out of bed this morning without assistance. Then, I did another 20 minute session this morning before I took a shower. I think that if I get up twenty minutes early and do a workout every day, I should have my old stomach back by mid-May. I’m really super excited. I miss my belly-button-baring shirts. Who knows, I may even get ambitious and join a gym like I’ve been saying I’m going to do for a little over a year now and after that, I might (and I highly emphasize the word might) even quit smoking. Then I’ll just bring about world peace, abolish hunger, and find a cure for AIDS. (Can you tell I got out of bed motivated today?)
So, feeling all stretched out and healthy this morning I left for work and discovered that my dog (aka. The Dumbest Dog on the Face of the Planet) had herself completely and utterly tangled up on the patio. So what do I do? Take her off her chain to untangle it and proceed to chase her around the neighborhood for fifteen minutes in heels, of course. It’s a good thing that the people a few houses down have a male dog because otherwise I don’t think I ever would have caught her, because evidently, the chain attached to her collar is also attached to her ears. When it comes off, she’s deaf. Evidently. So, needless to say, that was fun.
On the school front, things are going along swimmingly. I’m getting A’s in both of my classes and am already half-way through my computer class. That brings us to the sign-up for summer semester… I’m kinda ticked about that whole situation. First of all I, being that procrastinator I am, saved all of my (icky) science classes for last (big error in judgement six years ago on my part) so now I have two to knock out in the three semesters I have planned that it's going to take me to finish my degree. It wouldn't take nearly as long to finish this shit if I wasn't working two jobs, but I guess that's the price I'll pay for not getting it taken care of when I was supposed to........six years ago. Then, back when I was classified and a “student”, I tried to skip over an intermediate algebra class that was recommended and go straight to statistics (b/c my ACT and high school GPA were high and they said I could..ppttttt) and bombed horribly…twice. The whole reason behind not wanting to take this algebra class was because it doesn’t count towards anything. It doesn’t transfer, so my rational was why waste time on a class that I really won't even get credit for? Well, this summer I will be wasting time one night a week taking a class that won’t transfer. I guess I had to do it sooner or later, but damn, I really didn’t want to. So, those are my school gripes…..which reminds me…

Missy’s Useless Trivia of the Day

What is the largest crop in the world?

Give up?

Grapes. Isn’t that funny? It was the trivia question on the morning news this morning and I never would have guessed.

Okay, I guess now that you’re leaving a little bit smarter than when you came, my job is done. Hope everyone has a great day.

The Man of My Dreams Who Wasn't....

What a weekend! I cleaned my house…and did my laundry. HUGE feat, really, you have no idea (I think that all of my dirty clothes got together, multiplied, and were planning a coup against me in my laundry room). I also found out something that was a big eye opener. I think that everyone on the face of the planet has had one of these experiences, or at least they should because it forces you to reevaluate situations and reconstruct opinions, and basically leaves you feeling like shit, but a little bit smarter for next time. The experience I’m speaking of is when you think someone is one thing, and of this you are convinced, and then, out of nowhere, you’re blindsided by the realization that you were wrong. Yes, this is me saying that I was wrong, although if anyone I know should happen to confront me with this little tidbit of wrongness, I will delete this post and deny, deny, deny (as it is genetic in my family that we are always right). Not that this hasn’t happened before (my ex-husband being a great example), but this time I was sure that I was right about him.
Now, I’ll tell you what I got blind-sided with….the condensed version. MOMD is not the perfect specimen of a man to whom I will compare all other guys I will date for the rest of my life. Nope. Not anymore. It was a real disappointment. I’m not going to go into detail about the whole situation, but let’s just say that he is just like every other man I have ever met. He has the capacity to lie and bend the truth and hide things and in general act badly; and would you believe that I actually defended him to other people. All of the people that said “He’s conceited, he’s a cocky prick.” I defended him. I stood up for him and I told them that there is a whole other side that they don’t see. I honestly believed that. Now I think that maybe the other side that I saw was just an act. A farce. A really good show put on by the best of actors, and frankly, it’s a little difficult to wrap my mind around. I’m kind of in shock. I think it was that coupled with the info that he’s packing away the Navy thing (which has been his dream forever) and moving to Texas to be with….yup, you guessed it…Texas chic, of course. It’s not so much that he’s moving to be with her that bothers me…it’s the fact that he’s giving up his dreams for her. I never pegged him as the type of guy that would sell out his dreams for someone else. All I can say is that it’s a really big disappointment. There are really no other words to describe it adequately and disappointed really isn’t strong enough.
Other than that, this weekend was a good one. I went out with one of my girls and cute-boy-in-my-computer-class was out with a guy I happen to know, so at least I had someone cute to look at while I was throwin’ em back. That and the ex-husband’s kids (yeah…we’re not gonna go into that one yet) came over and hung out while their mom worked. We made grilled ham & cheese sandwiches and they rode their bikes and we watched Lizzie McGuire all afternoon. It was fun. I love it when they come to visit because they are the coolest kids in the entire world. They really ground me. They always seem to give me some funny sense of stability as weird as it sounds. Anyway, I’m going to start gushing if I don’t stop now, so I’ll spare you for now. You’re so lucky. Take care.